The Thoughts

AMARS - Addictions, Mental Health, Anger, Rehabilitation Services Inc.

Category: Anxiety

Finding Happiness in the Present

A few weeks ago, I was on Facebook, and my whole feed was filled with my relatives and friends, along with celebrities going to the Maldives, to weddings, to parties, to Quebec and Alberta (I am in Ontario), and eating at cute restaurants. Their scenic and fun-filled photos made me quite sad, realizing that I was just at home.

But then I took a moment to take a few deep breaths. And realized where my mind was heading. I took a moment to go through my thoughts and answer their queries and worries. Reminding myself that it is my decision not to go on vacation to keep my family, myself, and others safe from COVID-19. Reminding myself that I could not afford a month-long vacation because I had clients to see and people to help. Then I looked around my house and reflected on things I was grateful for. Reminding myself that I had such a comfy couch with a television that I can relax on. Reminding myself that I had a bookshelf full of books, of which many had not been read in a while. Reminding myself that I had a fridge stocked up with yummy treats. Reminding myself that I had so many board games and puzzles to tackle. And reminding myself that at home I was surrounded by my awesome family, whom I love very much and enjoy spending time with. This mental gratitude list made me smile from cheek to cheek.

Yes, gratitude matters!

Then instead of thinking about what plans for vacation, I missed before Covid-19, or what plans I could make for after Covid-19, I worked on what I could do now. For example, I was missing the nature and exploration aspect of traveling, so my family and I began going on morning walks. Doing this helped me appreciate the moment I was living in and find satisfaction in it, resulting in me feeling internally happy.

And that is one of the main reasons why living in the present is so important. It leaves no room for you to remorse the past or continuously plans what you must do or want to do in the future. Allowing you to be content as you experience life as it comes your way and enjoy those moments for what they are.

Other reasons why living in the present moment can help you achieve happiness, peace, and joy, which are all key for better mental wellbeing.
  • As you actively make yourself more aware of the experiences and moments you are in, you will be more appreciative and grateful for the beautiful, people and resources around you. This satisfaction and appreciation lead to more happiness.
  • As you spend more time living in the present, and less on dwelling on the past, your regrets will begin to fade away and you will be able to forgive and let go of grudges.
  • These fewer negative thoughts and fewer worries about the past or future will allow you to feel calmer and more peaceful. Helping you lower your stress levels and anxiety.
  • As you are not constantly distracted by the past or future all the time, you will have more energy to work on the important things in the present, with that comes more focus as well.
  • This happiness, focus, and appreciation in the now will translate to having healthier relationships, a productive and fulfilling work-life, and physical health benefits. Have a read at this article by Business Insider for 15 more powerful benefits of living in the present.

Perhaps you noticed that in my story, there was a system I followed to bring my mind back to the present. That was: Take 3 deep breaths, answer my thoughts, make a gratitude list, and focus on the solution to my concerns.

This 4-step strategy is one of the strategies I share with my clients to help them come back to the present and rejoice in it, and today I would like to share it with you.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS BLOG!
IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS, DON’T HESITATE TO CONTACT US!

Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself

Practicing self-care is not always easy, and I understand. Most of us have busy, demanding, and stressful jobs. We have numerous responsibilities at home that leave us exhausted at the end of the day to even think of ourselves. Or we put others before ourselves. All this usually leaves me-time last and unchecked on our agenda. And in some cases, we even feel guilty about taking the time required to take care of ourselves. That being said, we must recognize the need for self-care (use this self-reflection to recognize where specifically you are lacking self-care). Implementing the following strategies into your regular routine will boost your well-being not only today but forever.

To best explain self-care strategies to my clients, over the years I have created a self-care triangle. Triangles represent stability, balance, enlightenment, and the union of the mind, body, and heart. Sounds awesome already!

Each corner represents a different aspect you must focus on (all part of your “me-time”), each as important as the other, and without one the triangle is left incomplete, meaning your care is left incomplete.

Move

Physical activity stimulates your brain, boosting your positive emotions and reducing your stress and anxiety. Leaving you feeling more energetic, happier, and relaxed. To name a few activities: yoga, walking, jogging, running, cycling, weightlifting, following a workout routine, and swimming. The exercise you choose depends fully on you, listen to your body, do what seems fun and change it up. Maybe sometimes you want to exercise outside, with a friend, in the morning, before bed, following an instructor, listening to music or in quiet.

Rest

Learn to say enough to your work and responsibilities so you can devote 7-8 hours of your night to sleep. But more importantly, this is not just 8 hours of laying in bed, rather good quality of sleep. In order to get good quality sleep, make it your priority, follow a consistent sleep routine, avoid media and devices at least one hour before bedtime, try to resolve conflict and stress before your sleep hours, and create a cozy and relaxing ritual that you can look forward to. Along with dedicated sleep hours, allow yourself to take breaks throughout the day when required. Listen to your mind and body and give it what it needs.

Feed

Remember your food is your fuel. If you want to have energy, feel good, and have an optimistic look at life, good nutrition is key. Try to pack your meals with all the vitamins, minerals and nutrients required but also have fun with your meals. You can try cooking with your family, learning new recipes, and making your dishes colorful. To learn more about nutrition, visit this website.

In the lines that lead to those specified “me-times” practice the following strategies throughout your day, to check-in, reflect, be mindful and rejuvenate:

  • Learn to say “no”. While you may feel obligated to say yes to your loved ones or coworkers, you must also conserve your energy and time for self-care, or else it can lead to irritability and burnout.
  • Get a journal and dedicate it to your emotions and feelings.
    • Make lists and write down what is bothering you. And then analyze each item and reflect on what is in your control, act on things that are in your control, and let go of things that are not.
    • Make a list of things you are grateful for.
    • Write down all your goals and things you wish for.
  • Take deep breaths. Close your eyes, breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. Try to notice the sensation of the air flowing in and out.
  • Even better, use the 3-step coping strategy: take a few deep breaths, drink water, go to the washroom.
  • Meditate
  • Stay in the present
  • Listen to your heart and abide by its needs.
I really hope that you find these strategies useful. Remember that your awesome, you have needs and you are important, so take care of yourself! 
If you have any questions or would like more personalized strategies and help, feel free to contact us. 

Do You Love Yourself?

When you love yourself, you are more likely to be happy and enjoy life. Because you feel happy in yourself, you are not always striving to do more. You become satisfied with your work, your beliefs, and your capabilities. When you do want to learn something new or improve a skill it’s not for anyone else it’s for your contentment. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional, and mental well-being first. Making you more likely to choose things that nurture your well-being and serve you well.

…one way to love yourself is through SELF-CARE. 

What is self-care?

The name says it all, caring for yourself. This care can be categorized into 4 dimensions, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

Try to look within and reflect as you read the following.

Physical Care: Encompasses 3 main aspects: food, sleep, and physical activity. For 16 hours of the day, we are awake, so to have the energy for those 16 hours, it’s pertinent we provide ourselves with meals, rest, and activity that boosts our energy, mood, and wellness.

Am I dividing my food properly? Am I nurturing myself with meals that promote good health? Am I eating a filling breakfast that gives me the proper boost of nutrients and energy to begin my day? Am I getting 7-8 hours of sleep? Am I exercising for at least 30 minutes? Have I found an activity (yoga, long walks, dance, treadmill, workouts, swimming…) that I enjoy and benefit from?

 

Mental Care:

Am I having more negative thoughts? Am I more agitable? Am I unable to concentrate? Am I getting frustrated? Am I getting anxious? Am I unable to manage the duties of my day?

 

Emotional Care: This is related slightly to mental care but focuses more on emotions.

Are you able to feel your emotions? Are you able to manage your emotions?

 

Spiritual Care:

Are you able to connect with your inner voice? Are you able to find meaning and purpose in your life? Are you able to feel a sense of belonging? Are you able to feel hope, peace, and gratitude?

 

We have so many responsibilities each day, waking up the kids, getting ready for work, getting the meals prepared, going to work, dropping the kids at school, monitoring their studies, cleaning the house, and spending time with family. But in how many of these tasks are helping with my care, once again going back to the 4 dimensions. In all the duties and tasks of the day, how am I taking care of my physical health? Of my emotional health? Of my mental health? And lastly of my spiritual health?

If you said no to a lot of the reflection questions above, do not freight.
Learn some ways from a professional to take better care of yourself. If you have any questions or feel you need more personalized care, do not hesitate to contact us.
Your care is important, and we are here to help you!

 

A.R.T for Anxiety

Even as a therapist, I get anxious at times, why is that? Because it is natural! Now you may be wondering why? Why is it natural to be feeling anxious? Why am I getting bombarded by negative thoughts when I am anxious? Why don’t I get these negative thoughts at a state of relaxation? Well because these negative thoughts are caused by our brains “Fight or Flight” response. It is our brain’s way of reacting to stress and making us aware and alert of potential danger. Think of it as a caution sign. Many times, before a session, especially with a new client, I get anxious, wondering how I can help them best and give the most qualitative treatment.

When I have ten minutes left for a new session, I get anxious about how I will finish the case notes from the session before! Is this harming me? No, not at all, it’s a quiet alarm that lasts for ten seconds, and then because I have turned it into my motivation, it is encouraging me to solve the problem, make a plan and spur into action. It is natural, we all go through it.

But if that small alarm turns into a dark cloud that sucks you in, creating physical symptoms, dry mouth, palpitations, drowsiness, shivering, numbing, etc. this slow overwhelming of anxiety is crossing the line and going into the disorder part of anxiety.

So how can you avoid this cycle? 

There are many tools and strategies, here is one of them that I really want to share with you.

ART (Ask, Replace and Turn) 

Even the abbreviation sounds nice, doesn’t it? When we think about art, it leads us to creativity and imagination, color, beauty, positive outcomes, happiness, and an expression of feelings. And that is what this tool is all about. So now let me elaborate.

A: ASK

First, you need to ask yourself some questions.

Do I really need this thought? Will I be able to do this? Do I need to ruin my day? Do I need to focus on this now? Is this a need? Do I need to allow myself to get demotivated? 

You need to hit your conscious and subconscious mind by exploring the thoughts and emotions that are causing you to worry. This can be done once again by asking questions:

Why am I worried? Do I need to worry?  

Remember to ask yourself these questions out loud or write them down. Because when you say aloud from your mouth, your ears are listening, when you write it down you are reading it and you gain more clarity. It’s a whole reflection session, so even if you are asking questions that may be negative, you are taking it all out and so you aren’t going into the negative cycle, rather you are consciously putting efforts to think realistically and rationally.

 

R: Replace

When we hear the word replace, we have quite a simple concept of it: making something take the place of something else. We do it quite often, replacing the furniture in the living room because it has gotten too shabby, or replacing a word in our report because it doesn’t sound right, or replacing our work area so we can be more productive. And this step is based upon that same concept.

Now take the same questions asked from the step above and replace them with positive thoughts. You will be replacing thoughts of worry with organized thoughts by asking yourself:

Do I have time? When can I fit this extra task into my routine? How can I best reorganize my day? What are the benefits of doing this? Will this help me in the future? Do I need to ask someone for help? 

This is more solution-based thinking in which one by one you can replace the negative imagery and worry with positive ideation. While it may seem that this tool is all up in air, it is not. For more scientific proof, you may also read the scientific research paper published by Elsevier about “The power of positive thinking: Pathological worry is reduced by thought replacement in Generalized Anxiety Disorder” (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4760272/)

 

T: TURN 

Now like any other tool, this is not a magic potion, so by turn, it is not meant that you will be able to turn the situation around, because that is not possible. If you are anxious while standing in front of a large crowd, you will not suddenly disappear. Rather, in this step, you will be turning your perception and focus on your action.

How? By changing the direction of your thoughts from entering the cycle of worry and panic thoughts, you need to point yourself towards a state of calm. You may ask; how do I do that? Do not worry, here are a few tips. Firstly, take a deep breath, then another, and if you can one more. Attend to your breath, by closing your eyes and feeling the refreshment as the air enters your body and a release of your tensions as the air leaves. Many times, people really underestimate the power of taking a deep breath, as you may be right now. Deep breathing, as we are all aware of, increases the supply of oxygen to our brain. What now? Well, this stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system (one part of our nervous system that controls our rest and relax response), which in turn promotes a state of calmness. According to Dr. Tania Elliott of NYU Langone Health to “overcome the unhealthy day-to-day stress response,” you should practice this type of breathing daily, and not just when you are feeling stressed. I tell this to all my clients, so why only try fixing worry thoughts, when we can try to prevent the worry thoughts from going too far in the first place. You may also go to the washroom and drink some water.

 

Apart from actually using this coping strategy, the main takeaway should be to NEVER suppress your anxiety! Whether you use this tool, other coping strategies, or go seek professional help, the goal should not be to make it go away. Because that is unrealistic and technically dangerous. Rather the goal is to develop mechanisms to handle it, minimize anxiety, cope with it, and get on with life. So that anxiety only serves the purpose of keeping you alert, motivated, and obviously, safe, without it becoming the element that is blocking you from reaching your full potential.

I really hope this helped you in some way!
For any questions or concerns feel free to contact me!

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